More than two months ago I sold some photos to a magazine and was told to send them an invoice that would be paid in 45 to 60 days. So, things have been a little rough. The car broke down, had to get a place to live and start completely over again. Yeah, a little tight. I've waited breathlessly for this check to arrive but never does it come.

So I wrote and asked when to expect it. It took a week for someone to tell me to expect it at the end of this month or late summer. WHAT?!!! No, that will not work. Finally I got the name of the person who pays the bills but she wasn't quick in writing back. Then she did and told me that the check should have been here by the end of last week. It wasn't. I wrote again. After two e-mails she told me that the CEO sent it out on Friday. Last Friday. On Tuesday it still isn't here. Because it has been cold and rainy and my check was coming, I got the car fixed. The money dramas continue.

Well, then there is the apartment that smells like dog pee. Bad! I am sleeping on the couch because it stinks too bad upstairs. My landlord offered to let me out of the lease. I began looking for a new place and found the cutest little house with hardwood floors and a fenced yard. This house is so totally me. And it is much cheaper. So I went to discuss it with my landlords and they only want to give me half of the deposit back. WHAT?!!! That isn't right!

<> The neighbor turns her music up. I take the rolling pin and bang the wall. I turn on my boom box, loud, and close the bathroom door. I've lost it.

A friend calls to remind me that a famous writer drove a long ways just to rub my feet. AWWW. So sweet.

I go to a meeting and bemoan the fact that they want me to respect the meeting place (church) by watching my language. Not cussing at a meeting is the same as not drinking coffee. They don't speak my language, how am I supposed to understand them? Would it have been possible to get sober without expressing myself with cuss words? Doubtfully.

But I said my peace and now feel better. Though it is sad that my first magazine sale, something that was supposed to be special and all rosy feeling, had to turn rather ugly and desperate. That sucks. I'm considering retirement. Feet on the recliner, a bowl of chocolates beside me and a flicker. Let life pass me by and quit worrying about how to live it.