In the past few days I've come to understand that Conor isn't done teaching me about myself and about life. I knew there was more to learn. He is teaching me to honor myself - what I feel and what I believe - and how much strength and freedom comes from doing so. There is the powerlessness of life and death, and of what others do or how they respond. With the powerlessness, comes the ability to let go and to live in the moment. And then there comes the comfort of simply being.

I don't have the end of Conor's story and at the moment he seems to be feeling better. Maybe it is just the pain medication that makes it possible but I'm enjoying his sense of humor once again. There was much that I took for granted - not just with him but with all of my life. I don't know the end of my story but today I feel stronger, bolder and more my self. My fears don't exist at this moment - a time which might not last for long - and I'm not thinking about how life will be without Conor, or what if I need surgery on my neck, or what others think. I'm just being here in this space of time and doing what needs to be done.

My experiences shape my thoughts and my life, and my willingness to examine and grow, shapes my experiences.